Assurgent
by clared
Summary: Post-Allegiant. Commences right after Four finds out Tris didn't survive. Not one to let go so easy, he commences a journey fighting for his love. But is it ever that simple? Of course not.
1. Chapter 1

"It's not good enough!"

I feel the twinge of pain up my arm where my fist connects with the cold metal table, although my body feels disconnected from the action. I shake it off and resume pacing through the laboratory.

"We are close, really close," says Matthew.

Five week, three days. Tris has been gone for five weeks and three days. I run a hand through my short Abnegation hair and sigh, "I know, I know."

A few days after returning to the compound and discovering that Tris…. A few days after, Cara suggested cremating the body. My response was enough that no one has brought it up since. Chicago is in the process of becoming a Metropolitan area although we have stayed at the Bureau. Firstly, because I won't leave Tris behind again and secondly, while the city rebuilds the bureau has been a sufficient shelter. In the weeks following the uprising, Johanna Reyes has led the city with the help of Amar, George and several representatives from Milwaukee, but some of us have stayed back to re-educate those that had their memories wiped clean by Tris and run damage control. Many have started to integrate into the city but a few, like David, we have chosen to keep an eye on here a bit longer. Cara and Caleb have spent most of their time in the control room, keeping an eye out on what few camera's remain in the city for any strange activity. My parents haven't been sighted. But more importantly, they've been destroying evidence of the work that was conducted at the Bureau over the past several decades. The days of "genetically pure" and "genetically damaged" are over. Some things are hard to erase, such as truth serums and memory serums, since we had them in Chicago too and those people still have their memories, but Johanna is working on their eradication so one day they will become a distant memory.

The door opens and Zeke's head pop's through the gap, "Thought I heard your raised voice, let's take a walk."

I look between him and Matthew, who is back to looking through the microscope, and silently follow Zeke out of the room.

We walk in silence to the end of the corridor and stop at a window. It's dark outside so we can't really see anything but our reflections. For the first time I notice we both look older and battle worn. Zeke and his mother turned off Uriah's life support a few days after they arrived at the Bureau and not long after started making arrangements for his body. I found Zeke in the morgue when I went to visit Tris one night. I told him to wait five more weeks, that I was working on something, to let me make good on my promise to look out for Uriah. He conceded, but my five weeks is almost up.

There may be something perverse in visiting Tris in the morgue but I don't care. Every day I go down there, just to be in the same room as her. Sometimes Christina joins me and we'll sit against a wall for hours. I don't think she wants to be down there but she has become a good friend and I think she thinks she's trying to help my sanity. But my sanity is fine; it is when I'm not with Tris that it crumbles. Which is why I must still fight for her.

I don't know how long Zeke and I stood at the window, lately we don't have to say much to each other but we are at an understanding of what each of us need. A door slams behind us and I turn to see Matthew sprinting towards us. It's the most alive I have seen him in weeks and I step forward automatically, "What is it?"

He hasn't run far but he is out of breath. I have a moment to think that he wouldn't cut it in Dauntless before he tells me, "It worked."

 **N.B. Hi, this is my first fanfic for this particular series. I, like many, had some serious feels about the end of Allegiant. This continues from the moment right after Four realises Tris is dead, continuing in his POV. I tend to write shorter chapters but I aim to update every few days (every day if I can manage it). I've got the first 5-6 chapters drafted so fingers cross this goes somewhere :) I haven't done fanfic for several years but after finishing Allegiant I just couldn't help myself.**


	2. Chapter 2

Zeke and I are standing at the entrance to Matthew's lab, just staring at the deer that is standing in the middle of the room. "How?" I manage to breathe. Not moment's ago I was standing in this room looking at a failed experiment.

Matthew's smile stretches from ear to ear, "It was Christina, she zapped it."

I had enough time to wonder what he meant by zapped it but Christina's Candor tendencies give me no time to ask. "When you left the room, the heart monitor flickered. It was the first sign of life we had seen so I tried the defibrillator. It worked, it actually worked!"

"I would like to monitor the deer for another 24hrs before we put it to human trial to make sure it stays alive but I have complete faith. Most of the serum's work under a time constraint, as a simulation that eventually wears off. I have tried to replicate aspects of the memory and death serum as these one's are definite in there effect. On top of that, as you can see the deer still has signs of the wounds it inflicted before death as the serum didn't heal that but it's alive."

Matthew has spent the last several weeks trying to produce a life serum. Seeing Tris lying there wasn't enough, when I returned I had to see the site too to believe it was real. There was nothing but a strong bleach smell, the room already stripped bare and cleaned, but on closer inspection I found a canister of the death serum that failed to activate when she exploded through the doors. If the government could create all these serum's to manipulate people to be a certain way- to not lie, to forget things, to feel fear, feel pain, to die- why couldn't one create life?

I took the canister straight to Matthew where he has since been analysing the serum to use as a basis to producing a serum with opposite effects. Christina has spent a lot of time trying to help, although to what extent I haven't been sure, although obviously she has been able to contribute something. Tris could be alive.

I observed a trickle of blood running down the deer's leg from where it had been shot. I think of the multiple bullet wounds Tris sustained, "What about the bullets?"

Matthew rubs the bridge of his nose, a nervous stress habit I have noticed he does, "We will have to do extensive preparation on her body to extract the bullets and repair the damage. It's hard to say how she will be if she does wake up. I've read the report but some vital organs were hit, she's just lucky her brain, heart and spine were left unscathed. If the serum works, and I'm hoping because she is currently brain dead that her simulation awareness won't complicate that, then she will still wake up in a lot of pain. The shot in her arm will be easy but the one that hit her liver and lungs is more complicated. She bled a lot, Four, so we will need to find out her blood type and organise a transfusion too. It's not going to be easy."

I may not be Erudite, but I had considered some of this. Even then, it was still a lot to take in having been told it. That her genetic pureness might reject the serum, that she could be different when she woke, that there could be lasting repercussions. I think back to our last night together, waking to her in my arms. I think of what she told Caleb, " _I didn't want to leave him_." I was mad at first but I reviewed the security footage, I played it over and over in my head and I began to see reason. I understood why she did what she did, I forgive her, and if she didn't want to leave me surely she would be glad I brought her back. Matthew was right, it won't be easy, but she is worth it. I love her and that's why I nod and tell him, "Do it."


	3. Chapter 3

It took me a long time to fall asleep that night. On my way back to my room I had set up- I was never returning to those make shift cots in the hotel- I took a detour to the Morgue. Usually I sit on the cold floor but this time I stood in front of the wall, my head leaning against the cold metal and my hand resting against the handle where Tris was just on the other side of. It might sound stupid but it made me feel closer to her, like I was conveying to her that I would have her back soon. I didn't stay very long, not as long as I usually would have, and soon found myself roaming the corridors mindlessly. My feet stepped forward one after another without any sense of direction although I soon found myself coming to a halt outside the door Zeke and his mother had claimed as their room. I lift my fist to the door to knock knowing that I would find Zeke awake despite it being the early hours of the morning. I pause, not wanting to wake up Hana but the door swings open at that moment anyway and I find myself face to face with Christina.

"Oh," she says. "I was just checking up on Zeke, I uh, better get to bed."

She turns left and I raise an eyebrow as I watch her scurry away. I refocus my attention to Zeke at the door, "Can we talk?"

He nods, quietly closing the door behind him and we walk back through the sleeping airport.

"Does your mother know?"

He shakes his head, "She was asleep when I got back to the room but I haven't told her anything from the start. I didn't want to get her hopes up in case your mission failed."

We sit in an old waiting room, "Are you going to?"

He takes a deep breath before he responds. Earlier tonight when we stood at the window I though he looked worn and aged, but it was nothing compared to right now. "I don't know, Four. I don't. I loved my brother, you know how much he meant to me, but I don't know if I can bring him back. What I would do to see him smile, to see him laugh again, but to be the one who makes it happen? What if he doesn't want to come back? He was shattered at Marlene's death, what if he doesn't want to live in a world where she doesn't exist? What about everyone else that he has lost? We have all lost a lot in this war but we can't bring them all back, we need their bodies to begin. You heard what Matthew said, the serum only makes them wake up. He had no brain waves when he died, kept alive by a machine. What if he wakes with brain damage? To be a shell of himself is hardly a life worth coming back to, surely. It's not him. Mom has grieved, I don't know if I can put her through it all either."

I'd been so focused on Tris that I hadn't put much thought into Uriah apart from the fact that I could try bring him back too. What Zeke says I have thought about myself already in regards to Tris. What if she doesn't want to come back? What if trying to bring her back is selfish?

The thought haunts me until I fall asleep soon after sunrise. Having Zeke word my deepest concern's sticks with me more than they did when I was thinking about them to myself. Will she want to come back? _She has to_ , I think, _she didn't want to leave me_.

 **N.B. I know the chapters are super short and deserve a line break rather than a chapter end but bare with me, they will get a bit longer once I get past the introductory bit. I'm trying to get daily updates out while juggling work and study too which I'm trying to balance. No excuses though. Always appreciate your reviews, they are encouraging to continue the story and help keep the writer's block at bay :)**


	4. Chapter 4

The deer is still alive. A few months ago I didn't know what a deer was, suddenly it has become my favourite animal.

Matthew's lab is far more crowded than I was used to. Christina was there, of course, as well as Cara, Caleb, and someone I didn't know the name of but recognised as one of the doctor's that had been tending over Uriah. Zeke was noticeably absent but honestly he was the least of my concerns right now. There was only one thing of importance right now and that was Tris.

"This is evolutionary science, Matthew, you are all stepping on a very dangerous line," the doctor was saying. Adam, I think? I remember thinking that that wasn't a very professional sounding name when I was first told it.

I tune out most of his concerns although make note to reset his memories when this is over. I know the potential dangers of what we are doing and that is why all evidence of the life serum will be destroyed once its purpose is fulfilled. In the wrong hands it could be fatal. I notice a thin crease in Cara's forehead and assume she's thinking the same. For the first time in months I think of Will, how there is no body we can bring back, how hard seeing Tris wake up may be when she lost her brother. When Christina lost her boyfriend, I remind myself. I look to her and for the first time notice how close she seems to have grown closer to Matthew. She's sitting next to him, reassuringly rubbing his arm.

I grow impatient as Matthew and Adam discuss the logistics of the procedure, with Caleb, Cara, sometimes even Christina to my surprise, occasionally chipping in. It all blurs to me, whatever they are discussing is trivial and mostly irrelevant. I get off the stool I am perched on, interrupting whoever is talking, "we know how this is going to happen, can we please just get on with it." There, I managed to even say please.

I thought I came across as strong, determined, but the look the doctor gives me is one of pity. "Of course, Four, all this can wait for another day." He thinks that but he won't ever be given the chance.

We wait outside for what feels like hours as Adam and Matthew go about whatever they need to do to "prepare" Tris. I know this means extracting the bullets and tidying up the wounds so she doesn't wake and bleed out again, but I try not to think of it, I can't think of Tris like that again. Never again. Eventually Matthew comes out and I'm on my feet. I don't remember standing. "She's as ready as she will ever be, if you would like to come in we can administer the serum."

I nod. I'm about to follow him when I think of something, "Wait!" Matthew turns and looks at me waiting for me to continue, "Can we not do it in there, I don't want the first thing she sees is to be a laboratory."

He smiles at me, "Certainly, I don't know why I didn't think of it myself. We can set up a more natural hospital setting."

When I first saw Tris after returning to Chicago she looked asleep. As Matthew and Adam wheel her from the laboratory and towards my room, she looks cold, sick… beyond. My throat feels tight as I walk alongside the bed, gently touching the fingertips of her left hand. In the right there is a cannula, where it will be soon connected to the machine's that will help her return to me.

My makeshift room is the one where we stumbled into the night before we separated for our own missions and we slept on the couch together. I dragged one of the cots from the hotel in there initially, but now I push it to a side to make room for Tris. They put her bed against the wall and connect things to her that if I was Erudite I may have been able to name. But I was advised what they do- monitor her heart beat, blood pressure, respiration, brain waves and the bag of donor blood that is connected to the cannula in her hand by a long tube that will help restore the blood she lost.

"Four, we will need you to step back in order for us to treat her," Matthew says quietly next to me, I haven't let go of her hand. I hear him but I can't bring myself to move until Christina puts her hand over ours and I let go, letting her steer me back.

She looks so small in that bed surrounded by wires and machines. I watch as Matthew prepares a syringe with the life serum- it's the longest needle point I have ever seen. Before I even have time to wonder where they are going to inject her, he hands it to Adam who puts it straight into her chest- straight to her heart I realise. Matthew starts pumping her chest with his hands and Adam turns on the defibrillator. He's watching one of the screens, looking for a sign of life I assume. I watch as he charges it up and delivers a shock to her body, making it jolt. I feel as though my body jolt's with her only to rapidly deflate as I realise that nothing has changed. There is no activity on the screens.

Matthew continues compressions. "Is it working?" I manage to whisper.

Only Christina hears me but she responds, "Give it a minute, she's much bigger than a deer, the serum needs time to circulate."

I watch Adam shock her two more times, Matthew pressing so hard on her chest I worry he will break a rib. Time feels like it has slowed to a crawl, I watch a bead of sweat roll down Matthew's temple and I start to think it has failed. Tears start to well in my eyes, my chest feels tight, I can't breathe. I can't lose her. I can't.

Adam charges the defibrillator again and I close my eyes. I can't watch this fail, it is like losing her all over again. I feel someone hugging my arm and I turn towards it burying myself in whatever comfort I can get, wishing that it was her comfort. I feel defeated. I tried to fight for her and I've lost. The first tear starts to roll down my face.

And then I hear it, the largest gasp for air followed by coughing.


	5. Chapter 5

My head whips up and I see her. Our eyes meet for instant, I never realised how much I could miss just those eyes. And then those eyes scrunch closed and she lets out a piercing scream, her lungs now filled with air.

I feel almost out of body when I run forward to her, closing the few meters gap between us. I can feel sets of hands trying to hold me back but nothing is going to stop me from touching her. Why are they trying to hold me back? I grab her left hand and my other hand cups her cheek, still wary of how fragile she is in my panic. "Tris! Tris! I'm here, it's okay" I try to sooth her. Her screams are already stopping but she's still groaning. I put my forehead to hers and murmur sweet nothings to her. I can hear Matthew and Adam yelling things to each other and I want to yell at them to do something but I have to be strong for Tris.

She starts to silence and her eyes begin to droop. Matthew and Adam have stopped yelling about whatever it is they were doing, probably because she is finally calming down, letting her fall asleep. I look to the machines, I don't understand them but I can see that they are doing things, that she is definitely just asleep. I can feel her ragged breathing, her dull pulse, but she's alive. Alive.

I hold her until someone puts there hand on my back and I pull away enough that our foreheads are no longer touching. I feel someone has pushed a chair to the back of my legs and I collapse in it, still not letting go of her hand which I hold in both of mine. The someone puts their hand on my shoulder and I look up.

"She is stable for now. I believe everything is okay although I will stay and monitor her for the next hour or so as now is the most crucial window. She has been sedated and should be feeling no pain at the moment, I'd have done it beforehand but I didn't want to risk it interfering with the serum bringing her back, I'm sorry you had to watch her suffer through that moment of pain though. She is going to be in recovery for several weeks, Four, she has sustained major injuries and the surgery we performed on her earlier was just as severe. For now I want to make sure her blood volume and blood pressure increases and brain activity stays steady, although you can stay at her side," Adam says.

I nod and look back at Tris. My Tris.

I look back around the room and realise Cara, Christina and Matthew must have left at some point while the doctor was talking to me, giving us space I guess. Caleb is still in the room but he is standing back by the door. Good. I'm still not happy with him.

No one talks for the next hour. Occasionally Adam walks around her, making notes about her vitals, changing the empty blood bag. Eventually Caleb leaves the room and it's just me and Doc. She looks so frail, her skin pale, her breath making an almost rattling noise as she fights every inhale and exhale. I think back to when we first met and how I hated to watch her fight the other initiates. Now I'd rather see that fight compared to this one, which I instantly feel terrible for thinking.

I get up from my chair slowly, not wanting to leave Tris' side but I have to do this. I walk over to Adam, who is washing his hands in the sink. He dries his hands and when he turns, I have my arm stretched out ready to shake his hand, "I just wanted to say thank you." He smiles meekly and grasps my hand. Before he has time to even shake it I pull him in to me, my other hand going up to reach behind his neck, "But I can't let you telling the world of this." I inject the memory serum into his neck before he has time to say anything more and watch him slump before me.


	6. Chapter 6

The problem with the memory serum is that once administered, the person is very…useless. And I just made Tris' doctor that. The serum removes almost all memories apart from things that are fundamental such as language. This also means he doesn't remember his own name. He's just a disorientated, rather vacant shell at the moment, until he is "programmed" otherwise. In this phase he can be taught things, his mind reset and manipulated. I know that means I just made Tris' doctor unable to care for her, but I can get around that obstacle. There are alternatives; now that she's alive it doesn't have to be him, just someone competent to treat her injuries. I guide him out of the room, not really sure where I am taking him. I just walk until I run into someone I know and trust. That person turns out to be Cara.

She blinks at us, standing in the middle of the hotel reception. "What did you do?" she asks, although I know she already knows the answer. Adam is rocking on his feet whistling and looking at the roof with a stupid grin on his face. This one must have been extra receptive.

"I had to. I can't let the world find out about this. No one knows Tris died except us, so no one knows we worked out how to bring her back. Frankly, the doctor wasn't someone I trusted. Matthew can help with Tris or we can get someone else in until he is in a better state of mind. You can tell him that Tris was in an accident, but never let him know she was… gone"

"Who's Tris?" Adam asks. I ignore him. While the serum is so fresh and coursing around his system, he won't be aware to anything this soon, which is why I have no problem talking so freely in front of him.

"Can you make sure he is told what he needs to before this stage wears off? His name, profession, where we are, etcetera, just as long as he doesn't know about what we have just achieved. If you can get him to a stage where he is useful to monitor Tris' condition that would be fantastic although whatever you can do within limits."

Yes, I'm certainly not worried about him remembering this conversation; I've already had to tell him his name three times. I can't believe we went through this with a whole building of people, one is tiresome enough. I look at him and he's staring at a fixed point crossing and uncrossing his eyes. I don't remember the others being this loopy after exposure to the serum.

Cara nods and agrees, "Anything else?"

She is eyeing Adam carefully. I think my assessment of him being extra loopy is spot on. Cara dealt with rehabilitating those we wiped the memory of a lot. There were others to help as well but she acted like the case manager of sorts, overseeing that everyone was being rehabilitated properly according to their files. We found files on everyone here. I found it rather disturbing that someone's life, someone's secrets, could be so accessible. It seems like dangerous information to possess, particularly if it fell into someone else's hands. But to keep everyone somewhat true to their former identity, it has been tremendously helpful. It is another thing we've decided to destroy once we have used what we can.

"No, I need to get back to Tris. I don't want to leave her side in case she wakes." I'm about to turn away but pause. "Oh, Cara? There is something," she raises a single eyebrow towards me, her attention already turning towards Adam, "could you tell Zeke and Matthew to come find me?"

"Of course," she says. I head back to Tris' side.


	7. Chapter 7

I must have fallen asleep at some point holding Tris' hand because at the sound of the door opening and closing I spring up from where my heads rests against the bedside. My body feels stiff but I figure it's something I'll get used to as I don't plan on leaving her side any time soon.

Both Zeke and Matthew come into the room. When I told Cara I wanted to see them both I hadn't meant at the same time, but it doesn't really matter. Zeke looks stunned, watching Tris' chest rise and fall with each breath, hearing the machine beep in time with her heart, a colour to her skin that marks her as very much alive.

"She looks good for someone who was dead a few hours ago," Zeke says. I stare daggers at him. She may be breathing now, but it still hurts to think there was a time where she was not. Even now, my greatest fear is losing her and using that final sounding word still feels too harsh. "No offense, just saying it as it is. I expected it to be worse."

"You should have heard the screaming," I mutter. I don't think he caught it fortunately. "Matthew, I uh… Cara probably told you what happened to Adam. I was wondering if you could be in charge of making sure she's recovery properly and pain free until Adam is more in his right mind."

Matthew looks grim, "I saw him, he was following her like a lost puppy. Frankly, I'm wondering how he was a doctor in the first place, it is like he lost his marbles with his memory. I won't claim I am any doctor and if any major complications arise I'll be next to useless, but I can certainly help to a degree. I know why you did it, but you couldn't have waited a few days?"

"And risk him running out of this room and contacting someone outside straight away? No, I couldn't."

I look to Zeke who has hardly moved, "It worked Zeke, she is perfect. We could do the same for Uriah. But if we do you need to decide soon. I don't want this knowledge escaping to anyone and to do that means destroying the evidence. I've wiped the memory of one person already to ensure this. After your decision all the serum, the research, it will all be destroyed."

I watch him gulp. He walks up to the bed, rests his hand on her leg. She twitches slight at his touch and he flinches back. "Wouldn't that be a bit hard considering you already pulled the doctor out of the picture?"

I'm about to answer but Matthew gets to it before I do, "I believe Christina and I could do it without him, we did it together during the deer tests in the first place. I'd still want a real doctor on site to keep him stable, but we can do it before they get to the room so they will never know any better. I'm not entirely sure if Adam will be up to it so soon, but we can get someone to come in from the city."

He looks at me for a long second, then to Matthew, and then to Tris. I think he would have said something but Tris choses that moment to make a whimpering noise in her sleep. My attention is immediately back to her, but I saw Zeke's face pale before I give him my back and hear him quickly leave the room.

I run my hands gently down the side of her face but can't see any sign of pain or discomfort from Tris, I deduce that it was probably just a dream. I want to start after Zeke but I don't want to leave Tris' side, especially not after that. Matthew must have noticed my apprehension because he says, "Give him a bit of time and space to think, I'll go talk to him," and follows Zeke out the door.

 **Haven't been getting these out as often as planned- last week was hectic and barely had time to sit at a computer. I'm in the process of writing chapter 14, so they exist, I just haven't got around uploading :) I'll get there I promise**


	8. Chapter 8

I must have fallen asleep at some point holding Tris' hand because at the sound of the door opening and closing I spring up from where my heads rests against the bedside. My body feels stiff but I figure it's something I'll get used to as I don't plan on leaving her side any time soon.

Both Zeke and Matthew come into the room. When I told Cara I wanted to see them both I hadn't meant at the same time, but it doesn't really matter. Zeke looks stunned, watching Tris' chest rise and fall with each breath, hearing the machine beep in time with her heart, a colour to her skin that marks her as very much alive.

"She looks good for someone who was dead a few hours ago," Zeke says. I stare daggers at him. She may be breathing now, but it still hurts to think there was a time where she was not. Even now, my greatest fear is losing her and using that final sounding word still feels too harsh. "No offense, just saying it as it is. I expected it to be worse."

"You should have heard the screaming," I mutter. I don't think he caught it fortunately. "Matthew, I uh… Cara probably told you what happened to Adam. I was wondering if you could be in charge of making sure she's recovery properly and pain free until Adam is more in his right mind."

Matthew looks grim, "I saw him, he was following her like a lost puppy. Frankly, I'm wondering how he was a doctor in the first place, it is like he lost his marbles with his memory. I won't claim I am any doctor and if any major complications arise I'll be next to useless, but I can certainly help to a degree. I know why you did it, but you couldn't have waited a few days?"

"And risk him running out of this room and contacting someone outside straight away? No, I couldn't."

I look to Zeke who has hardly moved, "It worked Zeke, she is perfect. We could do the same for Uriah. But if we do you need to decide soon. I don't want this knowledge escaping to anyone and to do that means destroying the evidence. I've wiped the memory of one person already to ensure this. After your decision all the serum, the research, it will all be destroyed."

I watch him gulp. He walks up to the bed, rests his hand on her leg. She twitches slight at his touch and he flinches back. "Wouldn't that be a bit hard considering you already pulled the doctor out of the picture?"

I'm about to answer but Matthew gets to it before I do, "I believe Christina and I could do it without him, we did it together during the deer tests in the first place. I'd still want a real doctor on site to keep him stable, but we can do it before they get to the room so they will never know any better. I'm not entirely sure if Adam will be up to it so soon, but we can get someone to come in from the city."

He looks at me for a long second, then to Matthew, and then to Tris. I think he would have said something but Tris choses that moment to make a whimpering noise in her sleep. My attention is immediately back to her, but I saw Zeke's face pale before I give him my back and hear him quickly leave the room.

I run my hands gently down the side of her face but can't see any sign of pain or discomfort from Tris, I deduce that it was probably just a dream. I want to start after Zeke but I don't want to leave Tris' side, especially not after that. Matthew must have noticed my apprehension because he says, "Give him a bit of time and space to think, I'll go talk to him," and follows Zeke out the door.


End file.
